i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
