Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
