It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
