Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
