I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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