Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
