FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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