idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
