I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was confusing and full of hummus
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
