Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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