At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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