You just made me feel so damn special
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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