I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
