I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
