I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
