ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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