I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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