So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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