Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
