You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?