I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
either way he was missing a nipple.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.