tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
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I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs