i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
