Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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