I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
