i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Boobs speak an international language.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
