Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
