she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
