I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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