It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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