My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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