I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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