Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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