she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
