We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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