Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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