just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
