she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
