So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
