Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
