if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
