I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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