ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
