his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize