Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
