You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
