discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
