Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
