They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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