New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your penis caused this!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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