i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
