I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
