Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
