I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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