No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
