I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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