She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just had sex on a roof
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
