Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
