I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
