I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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