i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
