it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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