the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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