I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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