Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
