I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.