4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
they're staring at me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
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Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.