They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably